The Alamo Is No Place For Dancing

best days can be some of my worse.

2010-10-09T07:13:00.000-07:00

ever been kicked in the gut?
cause i guess that's kinda i feel now, without the physical abuse. who knew a job you enjoy would do that to you, i honestly dont even know where to begin. i USED to love my job even it was just at maccas, loved it to a point where i just lost all sight of my purpose at work, it became more of a social thing and i realize that now. im just not sure where to start with what im doing wrong, what i need to improve on. no-one is fucking telling me. there's just a invisible list of expectations for me to achieve. that works out fine seeing as i can read invisibility so incredibly well.

im getting really tired of trying to prove myself to people. obviously being myself isnt the greatest thing to be in the workplace, but someone needs to fucking tell me what im doing wrong hey, cause at this point im just gonna stop caring and stop trying, the usual me would say "dont give up" but at this point its been dragged out too long, im not the best crew, im not the best manager, im not the best at anything at work but i do try and if they all fail to see that then i fail to believe in myself.

high school loop

2010-09-28T11:13:00.000-07:00

i find myself caught in a loop, perhaps a repeat of the one i succumbed to in high school with that said lets just make it clear i lead a pretty drama free life, unless i find the need to create unnecessary drama, but knowing life we never need to play that card because of all the wonderful curve-balls that life tends to pitch.

you will find that alot of my posts are submitted in the wee hours of the morning, hence the writing and ramblings of oneself. But Alas! no one in their right mind would bother to read this piece of shit so why do i bother? EXACTLY because no one reads it, therefore my ramblings are posted into the world without peoples opinions, although that option is open to the world to, we all could do with a shot of refreshing truth. as i was saying i find myself in that loop again,

im past that stage where i wanna be friends with everyone and maintain ALL friendships made and if that friendship were to end it would be the end of the world as we know it, contrary to many peoples beliefs, i myself am not that emotionally deranged anymore. Hard to chew? i too thought that but never the less im stuck in that loop where, theres just this group of people you know and you manage to share a reasonable friendship with them not so much acquaintances not too much to use the referrals BFFS, we are able to catch up with one another individually at work but the main question is, what is it about some of these clicks that they refuse to see the bigger picture and you know say invite me to hang once in awhile? call me selfish and self - centered but the last time i checked im not a axe murderer nor do i have this creepy person exterior they know im fun and cool to hang with, so why the hesitiation?

it honestly makes me question have i missed something within myself to have lost the rights to invitations to hang out seeing as i seem to make the effort to call them out often ending with rejection due to reasons of their own, i know it takes two to tango etc etc, and im not so much basing this upon my efforts but their own and perhaps another self deliberation is in order..

a little self assurance is in order now and then, but a shot of the a truth could be exactly whats needed here to grow just that little bit more, considering i havent had any life changing epiphanies lately or any dramas to sorta throw the cards on the table, so here i am stuck in this loop, of not only self deliberation but also the persona i give off to have been blown off from invitations of all sorts from these "clicks" bearing in mind that they maybe insecure with the prospect of new people entering they're click of this, but i say this. people need to break that shell of theirs and step into the real world.

i am so self centered what is wrong me?

teenage angst, teenage dream.

2010-09-27T00:13:00.000-07:00

ive been watching these teenage drama shows, and i have come to a realization that no matter what year it is, the issues faced by all teenagers seem to be shared world wide, to grow up watching tv shows where the characters are exposed to the problems that we face in our own lives make it the relation to the characters all the easier, i understand that the show it self is fiction unless said otherwise, but the one thing that makes it real are the problems/issues that they're facing, the issues we see on TV are the cold hard truth,

i came to this epiphany recently after watching my collection of Dawson's Creek which was filmed in the mid 90's til the early millennium, and like a friend mentioned before, just as soon as Dawson's Creek wrapped up, The OC begun to air which is proving that regardless of the eras the issues faced in every show are all the same. Theres always boy problems, girl problems, family problems, a loss or a gain, a failure or an achievement. In these shows we watch we find the relation to the show to be a reality, i say this because for me i can say that some of the shows i watched have helped me understand some of the problems i went through easier, disregarding the fact that we're not as cool as these kids on TV nor we live in awesome mansions.

To the writers/producers of such shows, you have amazing skill to be able to hit so many people with the realization of such issues.. Atleast now I know, in whatever issue im in, surely someone else across the globe has/is going thru the same thing and im clearly not alone in the problematic side of life.

throw a punch at frustration

2010-08-23T09:17:00.000-07:00

i somehow wish i could punch you.
i dislike you to a certain extent, your pathetic ways and child like mind isnt that greata attraction within you, although you may think it is. i ask you to take a good look at the mirror and compare yourself amongst any other man you're age and see who they've become and then theres you, someone who is still clinging onto the thread that binds you to the memories of yesterday which i might say happened a long time ago and i honestly think its time you get over it.

lifes full of changes good ones and bad ones its your choice wheter you choose to accept change or not i understand that it may take people awhile to readjust to certain changes but i think its been long enough.

to you my friend: GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF.
reality is behind on giving peoples wake up calls, but i hope when your name appears next on the list. it hurts like a fucking bitch.

strange is my middle name.

2010-08-22T03:42:00.000-07:00

i grew up in 2 different societies, both of which i do enjoy, but coming back to Perth after 3 months back home has certainly made me re think of my interests; im someone who can drink, but i dont necessarily enjoy it, i can go clubbing but i don't enjoy it. i cop heaps of shit for being sucha granny when it comes to these things, but ive been clubbing since i was 14. its the same shit just different days and im over it.

my friends/colleagues are just the opposite, hence they look at me with disapproving looks when i turn down a drink or a chance to go out. id honestly rather spend a chilled night out or even just at home watching tv/movies. but unfortunately society only lets you do that here if you're a married 45 yr old, nevertheless i have to admit, im just not that into clubbing/drinking call me weird/strange whatever the dictionary may let you, but that's just me.

id rather spend my money on things i do enjoy.

just a reminder

2010-08-06T10:25:00.001-07:00

just a reminder to pretty much everyone out there in the world.
we lead our own lives and we live a life for our-self. why do i say this? because i see that when people seek for advice some of us take it too literal and tend to let the advice control what we do or how we see people or how we act.

let me remind you, a friend can only ever do so much for you and when they give you advice it is up to you what you intend on doing with you bearing in mind they've taken the time to sit down and listen and talk to you about certain issues, we reflect on whats been given and decide from then on there what we wanna do with it but then there are those people who let the advice/talk control them. i should know, i know a number of people who seem to have their friends run their lives for them instead of living a life of their own. so to those people i say..

WAKE THE FUCK UP AND BEGIN TO LIVE FOR YOURSELF

i don't know what you would call those type of people, some would say "bitches" etc. i want people to realize that you are the captain of the ship that you sail through life and that no one else can say otherwise to make you feel powerless in your own life.

overboard

2010-07-21T11:16:00.000-07:00

Ive been neglectful of my blog seeing as Ive found different ways to vent my frustrations and eventually i realized no one reads this piece of shit anyways. but Ive kept my thoughts in for a little too long and also just really not in the mood for opinions on my thoughts.

-edit-
i wrote like 2 pages worth of thoughts but deleted it because i dont wanna be that kid talking about the past and having epiphanies about life and what not, i just cant be left alone w my thoughts just like anyone else i know. i dont trust myself w my thoughts so i find distractions and right now i lack in that so ive found my self thinking too much, reflecting on my life which is something you do when you're 45 not 20. so maybe ill speak about the epiphanies in a later day, question is would i still have this blog during that day and age? only time can tell.

2010-06-13T11:13:00.000-07:00

how do you let go of someone that you've grown to love and care for?
why do you refuse to believe that changes in life are actually possible?

even though changes are possible, i refuse to believe that there are changes in you, but why is it so hard for me to bite on this reality? because in reality, you never bothered to change. even though you hurt me numerous times i let it go because you were lost and alone. i kept taking hits for you, i did what i thought was best for you. i never had put myself first in situations you needed me. but since you left, ive discovered the brighther side of living life. ive relived a life without you, without drama and in all honesty, its been the greatest ive felt since we met. is that considered harsh?
perhaps. but i speak the truth.

i was someone who lived for others, now im living for myself. and it feels good.
this is something ive gotta do.
ive gotta let you go.

2010-03-15T06:50:00.000-07:00

i feel like jumping in front of the bus

just so i dont have to listen to this shit.

both inside and out of work.

im so sick of everything.

AHHAHAHAHAHAH

2010-02-23T07:00:00.001-08:00

i love you ellah.

the big black hole

2010-02-08T07:16:00.000-08:00

ive managed to become the person i never imagined id become.
ive managed to lose my self in an attempt to try something new; but there really isnt an excuse for the person ive become. the choices ive made have resulted in me being the the current poistion; once again depressed and lonely and taking it out on the world which happens to include the people i love.

i dont know what to do anymore. i may not know now but i will eventually and well we'll see how that goes. in the mean time life goes on as does the rest of the world. so forgive me for ranting.

yeahhh boi

2010-02-03T10:50:00.000-08:00

i got fucked up.

homies fo' life.

2010-01-30T07:35:00.000-08:00

ive got the best boys in the world.
i love them all to bits.
homies fo' life.

Whenever you want me, I'll be there
Whenever you need me, I'll be there
I got your back whenever you need me.

rewind.

2010-01-24T11:06:00.000-08:00

scratch that last post.
lifes a bitch.
and all i wanna do is get away.

sushiiiiii

2010-01-22T04:07:00.000-08:00

life is so fucking awesome.
never have i felt so happy as of to where things are.
its amazing.
it is.

been waiting

2010-01-16T07:05:00.001-08:00

drama is constantly following you.
i dont know how long imma be able to stand it.
i try and my efforts seem to mean nothing to you. so why should i bother anymore?
if i say something its not gonna go through to you. so afraid if i do things will never be the same, i gotta work it out, times really running out, don't know what to do but i know i gotta say it now,i don't wanna lose a friend but why should i pretend.

dont pretend.

2010-01-04T23:20:00.000-08:00

It hasnt even been a week into the new year and im already frustrated with how things are going. And to think that 201O is going to be different.

weekend jam

2009-11-29T09:06:00.000-08:00

we may not be the best of friends or the closet of close.
but i love the chats we have, we can talk about anything that is everything.
i love how we can relate to certain things and find the humor in any situation.
you are a awesome friend there is no doubt about that, and i love our conversations so very de much.

so much i had to blog about it.
but shout out to Inessa Ngu for being an awesome msn buddy.

last night i went to a circus.

2009-11-07T06:10:00.001-08:00

ive dreamt about this moment my whole life.
to see miss britney spears in concert, the obsession began when i was 8. 11 years down the track here i am, literally 2 people away from the pop queen herself. no words could describe how incredible it felt to have been so close to her and see her perform; perhaps not live but put on a show of incredible dance routines with HOT dancers. i had a wonderful experience none the less.

the morning after mixed reviews were released about the lip-syncing or the lack of big screens. but ya'll just hating cause ya'll had shithouse seats! but with regards to the lip-syncing what more do you expect from the pop queen? thats been britney since her first live performance.

i love you britney!

and thanks to genis and tom for the room and tickets!
ps: more pics on facebook.

2012

2009-11-06T02:16:00.000-08:00

that trailer scared the shit out of me, finally googled it and youtubed it
supposedly the world is to end on the 21st decemeber 2012 according to the Mayan calendar.
the comments beneath the video were very mixed opinions; some were acknowledging the possiblity of the world ending, some finding it a practical joke the directors of the movie pulled.

but tell me, what the fuck would you do if it were true?

the hype over it has left me skeptical. but to question a culture and its beliefs is something that will lead to things you wouldnt wanna find out perhaps speechless.

but who knows what happens in 3 yrs time? guess we'll see it when the time comes.

OMFG! EXCITED MUCH?!!?!?

2009-11-05T01:20:00.000-08:00

BRITNEY SPEARS IS TOMORROW NIGHT!

OMFG!!!

I THINK IMMA CRY WHEN SHE COMES OUT.

OMG IM BEYOND EXCITED!

THIS IS GONNA BE AMAZING.

OMFG I LOVE YOU BRITNEY!!!!

bitch bank teller

2009-11-03T10:21:00.000-08:00

COME I SLAP YOU WITH A TUNA FISH.
STUPID BITCH.
I SAW YOUR NAME TAG. AMANDA
WAIT. NEXT TIME I GO BANK I FIND CUSTOMER FEEDBACK SHEET.
AH DIE LA YOU. BITCH.

Ladies and Gentlemen.
don't go to westpac on st georges terrace located in perth, fucking rude as customer service.
YOU DESERVE A HIDING.
little blonde skank. go hump a whale.

anyways. funny how i seem to adress people as if anyone reads this piece of shit blog.
besides you tiara.
THANK YOU COME AGAIN. NEXT PLIZ!

sober

2009-11-01T10:34:00.000-08:00

i reliazed in the beginning when i left i thought it would be the end of us. But we managed to come down the road a fair bit. You were there for me through some of my toughest times. And i took it for granted. Knowing that you would always be there after the storm. Then one day you werent. And the next one. And the one after that.

Its too late for anything to change. But hear this out. If it makes sense. Thanks to you, i feel like i was able to stand on my own two feet and not rely on someone being there all the time.. Because that was my problem. Dependency.

you've managed to teach me something even if you werent meant to. I feel like because of you. Ive managed to soilder on in life without dependency on other people but my own dependcy. I could never really wrap my head around it having you around. But your absence has left a very important lesson.

Times may have changed. And we've moved on.

But it doesnt mean ive stop caring. Because i stil care.
And i doubt that i ever will stop caring for you.
ill always be around no matter what; nothings gonna change that even if we arent friends.

Your text brought floods of memories. It even made me read all the old saved ones on my old phone.
But hopefully and maybe someday down the road, we could patch things up.
But for now, the memories will do.

Bottom line: i miss you.
More than you know.

Edit: ive read this a million times and im not sure wheter it makes sense? So sorry if it doesnt.

2009-10-27T08:31:00.001-07:00

hahahaha, funny as conincidence.
my ringtone, Cobra Starships - Good Girls Go Bad.
and what phone is in the video? the black nokia n97 = MY PHONE!

that made my day.

McHappy Day 09'

2009-10-06T07:11:00.000-07:00

so this time round, i aint the clown! but i am instead the McHappy Day Event Co-Ordinator.
so, besides missing the deadline (sick leave) for ordering the goods eg; balloons, streamers, hand clappers, t shirts and hats for the crew but im stumped as of how imma transform our store into a kid friendly fundraiser; being located in the ctiy's CBD and with the amount of trouble we recieve there are limits to my ideas/plans.

Perhaps if we were a freestanding store that might be alot easier to plan,then to be a walk in store. But this is a challenge that ive taken on board and something that im confident will be a good event.

"glee is a punch in the stomach to highschool musical"

2009-09-17T05:47:00.000-07:00

It's been a weird last half of the decade, though maybe "weird" doesn't cover it awful and dark and mean and petty would be better, probably. And yet most of our popular art has not really dealt with modern culture in any significant way over the past five years. This was not the case of the first half of the decade, when popular culture, and particularly music, seemed caught up in an eternal present tense. The iconic pop of that period, along with major TV shows like Sex and the City and The Sopranos, relentlessly engaged with the now. The moment might have been creatd by a SATC episode or a Destiny's Child video, commented on by Britney or David Chase, and pushed forward by Justin Timberlake or Survivor.

And so it's nice that we've had such a clear historic and chronological break here. The election of Obama and the economic crisis, which are essentially simultaneous in the longview, make it very hard to continue as we were before. So much of the culture of the 00s was and is tied up with the particular kind of economic prosperity that we can now mark as part of the past, and while the destruction of that culture does not negate the good things that came out of it, such desctruction does make it very hard for pop creators to regard it as normal. Almost every single significant piece of pop culture from the previous part of this decade would, if it were created today, either look very different or much less relevent. Almost everyone on television was affluent--not even middle class, but affluent--and the shiny bliss that 00s pop does so well reeks, as it was intended to do, of money money money. While there are undeniably artistic creations that were forward-looking enough to see this coming, it's likely that there's a slow but major change coming, and it would be really great if we could finish off the decade with a little bit of forward-looking pop.

Which is why I liked the first episode of Glee so much: it is the first TV series that's about this decade rather than a part of this decade. How the rest of the series will go remains to be seen, but for now it has definitively staked out its position on the 00s truth and reconciliation committee. For one thing, it's the first show I can think of to draw from a form firmly situated in the current decade, rather than drawing from 80s and 90s forms as even the best current series do (with, again, the exception of brand new things). Bring It On came out in 2000, and the show is clearly working in the tradition of that movie (and maybe 1999's Election as well), a form old enough now that the Wayans brothers have gotten around to parodying it. The genre is obviously indebted to some old forms (sports movies, 80s b-movie ensemble comedies) but makes something new by taking a minor thing and portraying it in precisely the terms its most dedicated participants see it in. This shit was serious, and because image was serious to the participants, the movies took image seriously, too. This did all sorts of good things for a visual form that ultimately requires you to believe things that aren't true anyway, and Glee plays that forward.

The characters, too, are products of the decade. Rachel, the main female singer, is essentially a fameball, which is not something we're used to seeing. Usually, the pretty girl who wants to be famous is either hilariously untalented or actually destined for stardom. But Rachel doesn't seem to be either. She's good at singing, but not great, and her personality is too self-conscious to take her to easy success. She's a scrabbler and a striver, ambitious for the sake of being ambitious, trying and trying without really having a project to tie it to. She uses modern technology just because it seems to be what the kids to or as a way of furthering the plot, but as an integral part of her personality: she puts herself out to the world beyond her peer group through digital media as a way of seizing success. Mercedes, meanwhile (who I hope gets developed more!), is the daughter of ANTM, embracing that weird Beyonce feminism that I guess is what Girl Power turned into. And, of course, the girlfriend of Finn, the main male singer, is the head of the celebacy club, and as such the representative of cultural conservativism, another high point of the decade. She's an obvious one, but Rachel and Mercedes strike me as believable characters that I know lots of in real life but would not expect to see on TV, and kudos to the show's creators for catching that.

But this isn't just Bring It On: The Series. A key moment in the pilot is where Finn confronts his fellow football players and gives a great little speech which starts like this: "We're all losers. Everyone in this school. Hell, everyone in this town. Out of all the kids that graduate from this school, maybe half will graduate college and two will leave the state to do it." This is true, but it would have been unthinkable to express such a thing earlier in the decade. It would have violated the ethos of total committment that dominated the 00's--one which produced some great results for pop, if not so much for government. While the glee club is maybe just another competitive activity, the show is clear that it's a pretty stupid one, and all the characters except Rachel seem to know that. They do it, then, because they like it, because they get something out of it. It's smaller than cheerleading but bigger than just being a quiet nerd trying not to be noticed. I like that, even without the football player, the characters aren't just a clique to themselves, but are individuals from different circumstances doing something for the pleasure of it. What the show endorses, then, is not victory or social stasis but mastery. When Mr. Schuester takes over, his goal is for the club to win a championship, but that motivation on its own fails to sustain the club's momentum. What propels them to some kind of unitity is, rather, a committment to excellence, to artistic acheivement beyond the validation of others but simply to know for yourself that you and others have done something good, and the moment at the end of the episode captures precisely that. And it captures, moreover, joy, the other thing Mr. Schuester says he was interested in. While that emotion was certainly conjured by many of this decade's best pop products, it's hard to say it was a concern of them. Success always seemed to matter more than happiness. Glee seems interested in asking what it would be like if that evaluation was reversed.

Then, of course, there is "Don't Stop Believin'," (this song has been stuck in my head for ages) the song that the group sings at the end. My thoughts went not to the finale of the Sopranos, which also ended with that song, but to the pilot of Freaks and Geeks, which ended with "Come Sail Away" by Styx. The final moment of The Sopranos struck me as being essentially the same as the final moment of Seinfeld, and its use of the Journey song had less to do with pop music than with TV and with audience expectations, a sort of forced "let's go out on a high note!" kind of thing. But in Freaks and Geeks, it was all about the song and its resonance to the particular characters. That's sort of the mirror image of what's happening in Glee. Here, Journey is being celebrated for its universal appeal, for the freakish and essentially inexplicable ability of that song to appeal to everyone everywhere at least a little bit, and the metaphor being drawn is not the any of the characters' situations but to the enterprise on which they have mutually embarked. The experience of pop is an unavoidably collective one, made eternally in the context of others, and while that opens up all kinds of great possibilities, it also means you have to go wherever pop goes, and you might not always like it. When you find yourself in that situation, the trick may be to find that one sweet spot, the thing that everyone can agree on that turns the momentum back toward you, tacking the ship gradually back to the course you would prefer. Glee is most certainly a part of that effort, and I am excited to see where it goes.

I AM A GLEEK!

chemistry 101

2009-09-14T09:37:00.000-07:00

I don’t believe “clicking” with someone is enough for a relationship to work.
I’m sure everyone’s experienced the “click” factor at least once in their lives: you meet, you find you can talk about anything with each other, you laugh at the same jokes, you love the same music, you both thought Twilight was a terrible film etc. But I noticed that there is this prevalent naïve assumption that if you “click”, the relationship will simply work itself out. As if everything will just fall into place because you “click”. Reality check – when you’re trying to share a life with another human being, things will get ugly. And just because you both share a secret love of rockin’ out to Michael Jackson, does not mean that you will naturally share the same values on how to accommodate each other in a relationship.

my week.

2009-09-13T06:21:00.000-07:00

monday - work
tues - off
weds - work
thurs- work
fri - off
sat - work 6 fucking am start.
sun - work 6 am.

the early mornings remind me of the school days.
next week? i do it all over again.
thats what you get for being full time. fuck sakes.
im tired as it is and its only a fucking sunday.
fuck you!
ugh.

2009-09-08T05:51:00.000-07:00

fucked up racial slurs

2009-09-05T04:29:00.000-07:00

fuck off back to my own fucking country aye?
in all honesty, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TELL ME THAT?
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
YOU SON OF A BITCH.
"does anyone here know how to speak english and not this ching chong crap?"

im so sick of work and the rude ass customers we get, saturdays suck.

ps: sorry bubs. love you. <3

one step closer

2009-09-03T21:56:00.000-07:00

76th off broadway Central Park.

the dream is still very alive and at this point nothing in this world is gonna stop me from getting to where i wanna go even if it is a million miles away from home.

NYC BABY!

First Class Ticket To A Night All Alone

2009-08-31T23:20:00.000-07:00

so turns out the cough, wasnt exactly a cough. it became alot harder to breathe and speak without breaking into major coughing fits that caused me to choke. so after work decided to go to a walk in clinic, and see wtf is happening with me. after 1 1/2 hours of waiting, i finally get in, after scans and a couple breathing tests, he diagnoses me, with primary sinusl infection and a secondary lung infection. which means, because of the sinus producing mucus and nowhere to escape, due to the coughing and the sniffing its causing the mucus to be pushed down into my lungs which creates a blockage, causing me to have trouble breathing and the build up is causing irritation to my lungs causing the major coughings fits.
i gotta tell you, being sick is pretty awesome. NOT
i have had so many sleepless nights, coughing fits causing not only chest pains but head pains. so now? dr’s given me a heap of drugs for the next week and hopefully this shit will pass

2009-08-20T20:34:00.000-07:00

thought about you yesterday.
thought about we were at this point in time,
i admit i miss you, but its very obvious that you've made up you're mind on where you stand
and in all honesty, you're right and i was wrong, and im fine with the decision you've made,

shit happens.

Fang Banger.

2009-08-11T09:10:00.000-07:00

i managed to escape work for the last few days, tommorow being the last day off.
why you ask? by getting a temperature of 40 on sunday night and being rushed to the ER with swine flu related symptoms. but its all good. i got the all clear from the dr,

anyways, latest obsession = True Blood.
yes its just vampire porn but ive managed to proceed to season 2 of the show and its getting interesting, specially with hot characters, like Eric who is Sherrif of County No.5 probably one of the hottest vampires besides the Cullen clan.

Or Jason Stackhouse, (Sookies Brother) now he's an australian and ive watched him on Home And Away growing up, hes alright looking, but lets just say the focus is more on the number of time he gets shirtless in each episode.

so yes, im rather into this whole vampire thing, its distracts me while anticipating the sequels of New Moon

an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

2009-08-09T07:35:00.000-07:00

not only have i eaten apples, ive eaten a hell lotta oranges and so much more. so tell me why,
a week after recovering from the fucking flu bug given to me by the lovely people at work, am i sick again?
damn australia and the rising number of swine flu cases and also them ma'fuckers that cough or sneeze without covering their fucking bitch ass of a mouth.

beyond frustrated at the moment. oh yeah, anyone wanna do the my 3-11 shift tommorow arvo?
anyone?

tiramisu

2009-07-27T02:23:00.000-07:00

YuRiZ_JoE says:
nuke'in sum mo
so u ready to cook up sum tiramisu?
Lyrical Lies says:
hahah should be
YuRiZ_JoE says:
i ain't kiddin homie!
u best be
don be givin me no 'anon' promise
maffaker said "yea man i'll cook u char kuey"
and that was like 9 years ago
still haven't gotten my char kuey
Lyrical Lies says:
HAHAHAHAH

my brother and his dumb stories.
cant wait to see you!

true blood

2009-07-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

so TrueBlood came out on dvd today, decided to buy it cause its the latest rave or something.
its 2:30am, just finished the first disc and all i gotta fucking say, is this some fucked up shit.
its like the porno of twilight, some real fucked up shit.

edit: currently 7:42am i have not slept since weds night and im not feeling the slightest bit tired.

rebelious liasons

2009-07-22T09:16:00.000-07:00

i will rise from the ashes
dont call me pretentious
im sitting here making my own rules
and if i fall from the ceiling
you'll be down there waiting to finish me

obsession.

2009-07-21T11:16:00.000-07:00

dont wanna try
dont wanna try
dont wanna try no more.

eggtarts anyone?

2009-07-17T09:37:00.000-07:00

was chatting to nadia last night, something i havent done in awhile, also first time we had a webcam sesh. wouldve filmed earlier but my phone was charging, anyways its been aggeeeeeeeeees since we talked felt good to reconnect.

love and miss you lots egg-tarts!
see you in nz!

couldnt find a decent pic of us, this will do.

yeah i was listening to trance, dont ask.

feelings show.

2009-07-14T12:14:00.000-07:00

i have no clue as to whether anyone still reads my blog; or if you read it.
but heres my shot in the dark; this is probably my last resort in hopes of not getting rejected via, text, via msn and hell i cant do it in person cause we're miles away.

its been 3 months since i last spoke to you(yes i kept count); and that's my fault i know we didn't exactly leave things on good terms. ive typed up numerous text messages only to delete them, i wanna IM you whenever your online but i hesitate and ignore the fact your online. its all due to one simple reason, fear of rejection. a fear that this could actually be the end of this friendship and if it were one can only blame herself.

i do just wanna say, im sorry for whats happened in the recent months and i apologize for the pain Ive inflicted on you emotionally, i always took my emotions out on you, i take you for granted and all you've ever done was be there for me, how could i do that to my own best friend?

with this blog entry, i have no anticipations whatsoever, you can continue to ignore me, you can continue to be mad at me. i just want you to know that

im sorry i am. and
i miss and love you alot.

i swear

2009-07-13T14:03:00.001-07:00

the land below...whaa?

2009-07-12T11:21:00.000-07:00

i miss KK
i miss the people in KK.
i wanna go home.

let me go home; even if it was for a day.

4:40am

2009-07-11T13:39:00.000-07:00

wtf cant i sleep?
its one of those nights isnt it?
fuck up.
thank god im not working.
screw the human body and how it works.
I WANT TO SLEEP.

edit;

5:38am
WTF AM I STILL AWAKE.
how aboutttttttttttttt... i dont sleep?
we'll see how long that lasts for.

weapon of choice.

2009-07-01T09:52:00.000-07:00

this is the best group of people i could have ever come to know and love (except sarah, sorry you're just a plain nastay bitch)
imma miss us panicking before a prac test
imma miss everyone calling one another to find out wheter somethings due for the next lecture the next day.
imma miss everyday we spent together.

Certificate III Commercial Cookery Group 4.
we made it
love you all.

6,706,993,152

2009-06-29T09:37:00.000-07:00

there is so much technology out there, so much money spent on that technology, but tell me; do you have the heart to spend that much money on helping someone other then yourself?

2009 = awesome

2009-06-23T07:48:00.000-07:00

Britney, Beyonce, Ne-Yo.
3 amazing artists.
but what do they have in common this yr?

IM GOING TO THEIR FUCKING CONCERTS!!!

lifes beyond amazing right now.

fuck the police

2009-06-16T06:03:00.000-07:00

YUM

rebel against yourself

2009-06-15T10:51:00.000-07:00

im sick of being so caring towards people and their problems
cause wtf are they when i got my own fucking problems eh?
cant be seen within 5 fucking metres.
so this is me saying; im not gonna give a fuck anymore.
school issues? thats nice.
uni streess? smoke some weed you uptight bitch.
work? quit your fucking job you hate it anyways
life? get the fuck over it we've all got fucking problems.

i really dont give a fuck anymore.

if you seek amy

2009-06-09T08:33:00.000-07:00

OMFG
BRITNEY SPEARS IS COMING TO PERTH!!!!
NOVEMBER 6TH 2009
OMFG!

its been an ultimate dream since i was 8 to go to her concert, 11 yrs later here i am going to see her!!! OMFG!!!!!

BEYOND EXCITED.

PS: I CANT HELP MYSELF IM STILL A BIG BRITNEY FAN. I STILL LOVE HER!
SHES NOT CRAZY! NO MATTER WHAT YA'LL SAY.
LOL.

joe jonas - spandex

2009-06-03T22:07:00.000-07:00

t minus 700 hours.

2009-06-02T10:18:00.000-07:00

now - 1:18am
finished class - 8:30pm
reached home - 9:30pm

began work - 9:55pm

still doing work - 1:20am

tommorows lectures - 8am + 12pm - 12:30 + 4:30pm

assignment deadline - 10am

it isnt til about 12 something i realize i have a major flaw in my assignment and really cant find any resolution to rectify it because ive worked so hard on making it good, being it something in conjunction with advertising, and this assignment is 80% of my unit.

so screw this brain of mine for its lack of attention to detail in preferred cases.

i dont mind pulling an all nighter, its just my constant lack of attention towards the assignment in general, being there so many distractions within reach. anyways; off to work i go.

why hello jacob.

2009-06-01T05:52:00.000-07:00

hoedown throwdown

2009-05-31T06:57:00.000-07:00

Boom clap, boom de clap de clap
Boom boom clap, boom de clap de clap
Boom boom clap, boom de clap de clap
Boom boom clap, boom de clap de clap
Try it with me, here we go

Boom boom clap, boom de clap de clap
(Whoa oh oh)
(That's right!)
Boom boom clap, boom de clap de clap
(Whoa oh oh)
Boom boom clap, boom de clap de clap
Boom boom clap, boom de clap de clap

1, 2, 3!
Everybody come on, off your seats
I'm gonna tell you about a beat
That's gonna make you move your feet

I'll give the BBQ
Show and tell you how to move
If you're 5 or 82
This is something you can do

Pop it, lock it, polka dot it
Country fivin', hip hop hip
Put your arms in the sky, move side to side
Jump to the left, stick it, glide

Zig zag 'cross the floor
Shuffle in diagonal
When the drum hits hands on your hips
One-footed 180 twist

And then a zig zag, step, slide
Lean in left, clap three times
Shake it out, head to toe
Throw it all together, that's how we roll

Do the hoedown
(Throwdown!)
Do the hoedown
(Throwdown!)
Do the hoedown
(Throwdown!)
Throw it all together, that's how we roll

We get to four, five, six
And you're feelin' busted
But it's not time to quit
Practice makes you perfect

Pop it, lock it, polka dot it
Country fivin', hip hop hip
Put your arms in the sky, move side to side
Jump to the left, stick it, glide

Zig zag 'cross the floor
Shuffle in diagonal
When the drum hits hands on your hips
One-footed 180 twist

And then a zig zag, step, slide
Lean in left, clap three times
Shake it out, head to toe
Throw it all together, that's how we roll

Do the hoedown
(Throwdown!)
Do the hoedown
(Throwdown!)
Do the hoedown
(Throwdown!)
Throw it all together, that's how we roll

Boom de clap de clap, boom boom clap
Come on, here we go!
Boom boom clap, boom de clap de clap
Boom boom clap, boom de clap

Pop it, lock it, polka dot it
Country fivin', hip hop hip
Put your arms in the sky, move side to side
Jump to the left, stick it, glide

Zig zag 'cross the floor
Shuffle in diagonal
When the drum hits hands on your hips
One-footed 180 twist

And then a zig zag, step, slide
Lean in left, clap three times
Shake it out, head to toe
Throw it all together, that's how we roll

Do the hoedown
(Throwdown!)
Do the hoedown
(Throwdown!)
Do the hoedown
(Throwdown!)
Throw it all together, that's how we roll

ps: sorry sarah, i know im a disgrace for listening to hannah montana/miley cyrus

the big apple.

2009-05-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

one day.
ill be there.
one day.

3 weeks.

2009-05-29T10:11:00.000-07:00

3 weeks of TAFE left.

i got 3 major units to pass or else another re-enrollment.
attendance is almost perfect, minus the days i couldnt be fucked going and skipped, but thats something anyone would do.

Small Scale:
Plan Menu & Catering Based Productions - 100%
Promote Products & Services - ....?
Deal With Conflict In Workplaces - ....?
Coach Others In Job Skills & Practices - 96%

Large Scale:
Serve & Prepare Specialist Food Items (Repeat) - ....?
Implement Food Safety Practices & Procedures - 97%
Cut, Serve & Preserve Cheese - 80%
Plan & Cater Buffets & Banquets- 98%

ive never had sucha drive to do something so well, and this is work we're talking about. how often do you see elayne rahman enjoying work? specially considering its theory work.

after TAFE? maybe another qualification? im not sure the decision is still pending; torn between 2 extremly interesting courses.

Pastry vs Hospitality Management.

mentalist.

2009-05-27T09:29:00.000-07:00

education or experience?
study or work?

decisions suck; especially when you want both things without an ultimatum.

no superhero can save the day

2009-05-18T09:08:00.000-07:00

and i doubt that i will ever find out if theres a way to get out of feeling all alone

cause lately ive been thinking that maybe no ones gonna save me.

useless

2009-05-15T00:10:00.000-07:00

you've made me feel like a useless piece of crap for the last week because of that one message. yeah i brushed it off saying nobody fucking asked you to do it, but looking into it,that fucking hurt, to know that you spent "freaking rm120 messaging you" oh my bad. sorry for being so fucking far away.

i dont want an apology.
i dont want an explanation.
just take what i have to say in and let it go, thought you should knwo how i felt becuase this is not and i repeat not gonna ruin my fucking weekend.

well louise's attendance already has; but thats inevitable.

thank you.

2009-05-04T11:27:00.000-07:00

this is most probably the best birthday present ever.

felt good to catch up and reminisce, it really did.

your always bringing a smile to my face.
your timing is amazing.

thank you.

i miss you beyond words can describe.

communication barriers

2009-04-27T09:39:00.000-07:00

its getting pretty tiring and lonely of having to try to talk to youse.
the fact i love you guys so much is probably the reason why i havent given up.
but you have no idea how much i miss you,
and our schedules never coincicde and it makes talking to you so hard.
communicating has never sucked so much.

so many things i havent told you all yet,
things that i may never get around to telling you. not at this rate anyways,

2009-04-08T09:12:00.000-07:00

<333

=)

2009-04-04T07:19:00.000-07:00

keep your sadness alive

2009-03-30T21:28:00.000-07:00

Take a look around

Don't you see it

See that you are the only real face in the room

No one here has a clue what your feelin'

Don't feel badKeep your sadness alive

Look at all these happy people

Living their lives

Look at all these plastic people

There's nothing inside

Look at all these shallow people

Telling their lies

Look at all these empty people, people

Don’t you know

That misery loves company

Yeah I heard

That misery was looking for me

Happiness, is a face that don't look good on me

Yeah I heard

That misery comes looking for me

Whoa, misery's my company

Whoa, misery is looking for me

Looking for me

krypotonite

2009-03-27T05:57:00.000-07:00

so, the fact that ive become addicted to smallville all over again has become the inspiration behind this blog.. now as we all know, smallville portrays the story of the young superman and his journey to discover his destiny. Along the way, Clark Kent falls for the girl next door Lana Lang, towards the end of season 2, they are finally given a chance to be together but Clark's secret powers got in the way and has forced him to push Lana away and it makes you question

If someone loves you that much, why can't they be completely and utterly honest with you? (yeah i know what you're all thinking, "but elayne its just a tv show, wtf are you rambling about") thats where your wrong, it just maybe a tv show, but it makes you wonder do you have someone in your life who hasnt been completely honest with you? do they have their own secrets they refuse to share with you in order to protect you? would that ever be ok?

it just makes me question, who can be completely and utterly honest with you, we all tell white lies now and then but its human nature. but to be completely honest, is something that not many are able to do, and its strange that they cant seem to find the comfort in a loved one to be honest with.

Love has a funny way of working its way into our lives, but when it does finally become apart of us, its something we cant control, its somewhat becomes a instinct to us, and theres not much to do but act upon it.

yeah ok, so i realize i maybe reading into the lovestory with Clark & Lana a little bit too deep, but think about it, if you had a secret would you not tell your significant other in order to protect them? or would you tell them, risking it all?

are you aware?

2009-03-18T08:27:00.000-07:00

its got me in a chokehold.

my niece mj!

2009-03-12T09:03:00.000-07:00

my bro sent me a video of his litttle girl.. ok so shes not that little. but still!
CUTE AS EVER!
my niece Marion-Joan Yusri.
ps: TAHTS MY BLANKET UNDER HER BUTT.

2009-03-08T22:59:00.000-07:00

Texture by ~birdswithoutwings on deviant ART

my minds unweaving

2009-03-07T03:38:00.000-08:00

the walls start breathing, my minds unweaving
maybe its best you leave me alone
its better that i see it through your eyes
all these thoughts locked inside
now you're the first to know.

how could you?

2009-03-01T02:07:00.000-08:00

words cant describe how i feel.
emotions cant sum it up.
lyrics cant define the situation.
so tell me what is this?
this all falls onto you.
you only.

nothing else to say, eyy eyy.

2009-02-09T09:22:00.003-08:00

im getting sick of missing you, because from what i can tell you probably dont feel the same or how would i know? you rarely tell me. only ever when you epiphanys or someshit do i realize what role i have in your life.
it drives me insane, to always be so emo about not having you around, or not being able to talk to you as much, specially lately cause i know whats going on with you...but you know what maybe i shouldnt be so emo about someone who doesnt seem to really care to make the effort that much anymore, yeah you've moved on with your life and like i did with mine. but there are still times when i still fucking need you. even if its just to talk for a bit wheter its about me or you. but when i tend to call i get no answer and i get tired of trying. i really do.

somebody asked me the other night who is my best friend in the whole wide world? and you know what i said? i said you. because i honestly think you are; but soon after saying that i told that person that i know i wouldnt be yours.

my semesters started, works becoming alot to handle; so i guess these distractions are just coming in the nick of time.

i have so much to tell you, i honestly do. but when will i get to?
im not even sure wheter you will read this, but hey thats the way it goes nowadays.

awesomest vid

2009-02-04T00:06:00.000-08:00

the devil wears prada.

2009-02-02T03:44:00.000-08:00

distance has finally taken its toll on me.

its time to get rid of this emotional baggage.

im over it.

urban dictionary

2009-01-29T22:33:00.000-08:00

so my mate, sheng showed me this website which is pretty random. he asked me to look up the meaning of a word and he had a wholeeeeeeeeee story to go with it, so yeah anyways in the process of exploring this website decided to see what the urban dictionary makes of my friends names.. so i started off with fay; then i did emily. to which the search ended because i ended up in laughing fits at the meanings.

new love.

2009-01-27T22:37:00.000-08:00

so its summer down here in good australia and its tennis season, since i got back its been tennis games broadcasted all across the tv sets and i cant help but watch, specially with players such as the william sisters, sharapova, dementieva, djokovic, fedderer, roddick and my one and ultimate favourite atm: Jo Wilfried Tsonga ( i have a sudden attraction for him, i think its cause his hair is shorter)

now, its probably the weather and the fact that ive been watching alota tennis that made me get out there and hit a couple balls around, i have to admit tennis is pretty awesome, cant really remember why i stopped playing in the first place; anyways for this year me and louise have made a list of what we wanna do this year and with that said sports was one of them, so we have been heading down to rec centres and playing sports and all our mates are getting in on it, its some awesome fun.

*droool*

ive been tagged.

2009-01-26T10:11:00.000-08:00

Remove 1 question from below and add in a personal question, make it a total of 20 questions. Then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

1. If you could spend one Ringgit in 5 minutes, what would you spend on? - cheap kedai runcit candy.
2. What is your most favourite thing to do? - listen to music and lose myself in thought or jump around and make a dick outta myself.. either one.
3. What kind of news do you read? - hate whatever comes out in the west australian or sunday times, so i prefer just watching the news.. CNN or BBC etc.
4. What would u do if u were to die tomorrow? - i would do the most incredibly stupidest things ever.
5. Is there someone in your heart right now?- yeah but why would i wanna share it on my blog?
6. Do you believe you can survive without money?- Fuck no.
7. What are you afraid to lose the most? -
8. What do you feel like doing right now?- the tour de france.
9. If there’s someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?- Yes definitely.
10. List 5 things that u like in a guy/girl.- honesty, humor, consideration, understanding, optimism.
11. What are the requirements that you do not wish for from your other half?- them to be some hooker on the streets.
12. What do you think is your purpose in life?- to be the fat ass i was born to be.
13. Do you feel like killing someone at the moment?- ngehhhh
14. If you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?- doughnuts or double beef and cheese burgers.
15. If you had a choice to be rich or happy, which one would you pick?- Happyyyy.
16. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change
17. Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?- this stupid shit back in kk anddddd my brother...
18. What is the one thing you love about yourself- my looks. AHHAHAHAHAH. i kid, ummm, my ability to make people laugh.
19. What is bothering you right now?- my indecisiveness to choose what song i wanna listen to next.
20. What is the first characteristic in a person that you look for when you meet for the first time? - ummm..sexual attraction.. AHHAHAHAH. no.. i dunno. fuck.
this is a tagged is full of weird questions. =P

anyways i dunno wheter anyone still bothers to read my blog.
so i will just tage whoever reads this, excluding alex and emily coz they done it already. =P

the great pretender.

2009-01-13T07:24:00.000-08:00

im sick of always pretending like im fine.
im sick of always pretending like it doesnt bother me.
im sick of always pretending like it doesnt matter.

im not fine.
it does bother me.
and it fucking matters!

euphoria

2009-01-10T12:03:00.000-08:00

its about 4am atm just got home from this club in sunway Euphoria by MOS (ministry of sound) and like i have to admit, MOS is just not my scene, i mean its awesome shit to listen to when you just wanna chill out or something but when your at this club and its blasting so freaking loud that you cant even hear yourself think, it just doesnt work for me anyways. i love how Euphoria has hot men everywhere; but the music and the dancefloor not so much.

i swear 60% of the people in there do not know how to dance, there were like shufflers, c-walkers, girls just humping air. it was HORRIBLE. i know not everyone has mad dancing skills like chris brown or ciara but still prevent us the eyesore. its entertaining as hell to watch; but after awhile you're just thinking "wtf are they doing?!" there was this one guy standing at the stairs of the dance floor, it seemed like he was riding a horse, kept jumping up and down and his hands are as if he slapping a horse.. why would you dance like that to MOS?! pretty sure, emily could dance better than any of those people just now.

anyways; my last day in malaysia today. how im going to miss it. just as im getting used to having everyone around, getting used to the lifestyle, getting used to them shitty drivers! im leaving it all behind for another year. time currently 4:17am, and im heading to bed.

oh nine.

2009-01-06T08:52:00.000-08:00

a week into the new year, and i decide to update.
so i came, i saw and i conquered kk, was a pretty short trip; but what can i do i gots to work. so ive noticed alota people making a big deal out of this resolution thing. i myself have actually never done one, cause im the type to just go with the flow of life. but i mean, its a new year and theres always a first to everything; so here it goes, my first attempt at doing a resolution.

1. LOSE SOME GOD DAMN WEIGHT. (oh so very much needed of myself)
2. SAVE MONEY
3. stop being sucha emo cunt.

so come to think of it, i can only come up with 3. sure theres some others but they dont come to mind just yet. but these are the top 3 things imma focus on this year, hopefully ill actually work towards it. so 2008 was a good year, cant say it was a great one; hopefully 2009 will be slightly better, just wanna give a shoutout to those who have made the last year bearable; no names mentioned ya'll should know who you are.

so the kk trip was aigt, couldve been better but what can ya do? =) just as im getting used to having emily around (as much of a shit she is) im jetting off home in about 4 days; so thats a downer. it felt good to be home even if it was shortlived, the food, the atmosphere, the people, the simple life that everyone leads; no strings attached. i love it and i miss it. its one thing that i love about malaysia. currently in kl; spend some quality time with my brother even if it the trips just a week long; its the time spent together that counts. yeah not sure where all this stuff im saying is coming from; im just as surprised as you guys reading it are to find that i have alot to say..i guess my babblings gotta come to an end sooner or later.

hope 09' is ready for us fuckheads. <333

end of the road.

2008-12-30T11:27:00.000-08:00

i cant take it any longer, thought that we were stronger.
all we do is linger slipping thru my fingers
i dont wanna try now, all thats left is goodbye to find a way that i can tell you.

gotta be realistic.

2008-12-22T22:25:00.000-08:00

so i figured this holiday would be awesome, you know? hanging out with old friends, catching up and what not. but i gotta say its been beyond dissapointing. makes me wonder, why i bothered coming back. sure i was hyped up before, but now its just meh. im sure everyone else is having a ball, but for me its just not happening.
im sick of having those run in's with people you know and they ask for your number and ask to stay in contact or say we should hang out soon, its all bullshit. im sick of always getting fed bullshit, dont fucking ask or say anything if your not gonna bother. and im definately getting fucking tired of putting effort into asking for a hangout, fuck this shit. why should i be the one to call all of youse? fuck off. surely if they wanted to hang out they'd put the slightest effort into finding me youd think.

the countdown for kl begins = 13 days.

2008-12-22T05:56:00.000-08:00

miss you both.

2008-11-25T06:22:00.000-08:00

am sick and tired of having to put up with this shit.
sick and tired of always having to answer to you.
im 18 FUCKING years old, i do not need to call you and tell you where i am.
i do not need YOU to call me and see where i am.
i should be able to fucking enjoy the time when im out, and not be pesterd by you, i get enough of that when im home.

im anxiously anticipating the day im on my own and able to enjoy my life.
cause right now, ya'll just making it miserable.

*and you, i know what you're thinking when you read this and i dont give a shit if im being selfish.

2008-11-20T07:48:00.000-08:00

SO FUCKING SICK OF IT ALL.

wish a truck would come and put me outta my fucking misery.

a life worth living.

2008-10-26T23:28:00.000-07:00

these are the people that make my life worth living.

joe and tip <33

the maccas crew<333

frustrated.

2008-10-20T08:41:00.000-07:00

your making me feel pretty useless.
you're dealing with something.
keyword being something, because pretty sure i have no clue whats going on with you and your life atm.
im your best friend, this is what we're here for, to help out and listen to your shit.
sure we all have times where we deal with shit on our own, but atleast we know what the other person is dealing with.
thats whats getting me frustrated. you know everything thats been going on with my life and yet all i know is one factor of your life and even that is just bits and pieces. do you know how guilty and useless that makes me feel?
its just so frustrating.

57 days
pretty sure ive lost excitement with the way things are going.

thinking of the day, when you went away.

2008-10-16T20:26:00.000-07:00

drove past the tree last night, tried so hard to not break into tears.
saw the new carvings on the tree, all messages of love for you. hope you're having fun up there.
i miss you so so much.
id give anything to just hug you again, to hear your voice, your laugh, your stories of mischief.
those 3 yrs we spent living next door to each other are the only things i have left of you and thats something im never gonna lose.
i still cant believe you're gone. seemed like yesterday you were bugging me about me coming back to perth. well here i am, and you're not. it seems so wrong without you here. the world doesnt seem to glow as much without you.

i miss you, i really do.

2 days later

2008-10-10T07:54:00.000-07:00

-WARNING GRAPHIC CONTENT-
if you got a weak stomach this might not be something you'd wanna see.

2 days later.

its not as bad as i depicted it would be, but still.
nastayyyyyyyy!
obviously working in a kitchen im always gonna be up against the knife or heat, so far
Kitchen = 2 Elayne = 0
not like its ever possible to "hurt" the kitchen but you get the point. i think.

burn baby burn.

2008-10-08T04:22:00.001-07:00

the pains of cooking tend to take their toll on me.

nice big burn for laney. thats an hour after it happenned; right now its just a black bubble.
mmm BATTLESCARS! gotta love em.

bye bye bye

2008-09-15T18:47:00.000-07:00

will no longer be updating due to personal reasons.
not sure wheter ill be back but lets see how it goes.
peace!

finally!

2008-09-13T01:35:00.000-07:00

finally!
you realized my efforts of being "nice" were fake!
and when i imed you you didnt reply!
WELL FUCKING DONE!
took you fucking long enough didnt it?

im sucha bitch but like i give a shit`

zara nicholls is a tool

2008-09-11T05:47:00.000-07:00

sooooo, had work 9-5 today.

on the way home bought myself new converse shoes. they look fucking awesome! but then i remembered i was spose to buy the new nike hi's that jsut came out the other day! FINALLY got the tickets for a miss rihanna and a mister chris brown. Section GA2 = standing!!! (near the stage) the wonders of a credit card and a presale!

oh! genis is home <333333333333333333333333!>

doubt imma see her anytime soon though; so fucking busy.. good friend i am!

ps: im jk about the title! yazo loves ya za za! we homies!

suraj hua maddam

2008-09-08T08:56:00.000-07:00

1. The person who last tag you is: Adopt Emily the elephant.
2. Your relationship with him/her is: im the lady shes the tramp.
3. Your ten impressions of him/her: BLUE FLORAL BATHING SUIT accounts for all my impressions.
4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you: is there one? i dunno. im old i cant remember.
5. The most memorable thing he/she had said to you: she usually just laughs at me hysterically.. that pretty much says it all.. other shit is between us hoes. so dont be hating coz im dope!
10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is: throw some pie at her stupified face =) and punch her for all the times she did those :):):) faces at me!
11. Your overall impression of him/her is: A CRACK WHORE!
12. How do you think people around you will feel about you?: That im pretty fucking awesome, and that im like quote scott "a life size teddy bear"
13. The characters you love of yourself are: My super powers.
14. On the contrary, the characters you hate about yourself are: that im not gangstuh enough to be in the care bears crew! racist bastards!
15. The most ideal person you want to be is: a "candy" dealer, get them kids hooked on that shit! HAHAHAHA. i kid. umm probably a decent person who doesnt cause chaos?
16. For people that care and like you, say something to them: ya'll are crack whores! hehehe, nah i love you guys like emily loves food! and thats fucking alot ok?

Tag: Snoop Dogg
George Lopez
Emily, DO IT AGAIN. stupid betchface, tagged 2x me lasttime.
Timmy Tim
Klaudia!
Bella?
i duno anyone who reads this...

leave me alone!

2008-09-07T07:49:00.000-07:00

i had 4 miss calls from you even before i woke up.

i had 8 miss calls from you after work.

i have 3 miss calls from you now.

and rejected another 3.

cant you take a hint?!

just cause i gave you my number does not mean you have to call me all the fucking time!

leave me alone man!

who knew a guy could be this annoying!

P.I.S.S. O.F.F

awesomeness!

2008-09-05T08:32:00.000-07:00

guess who im going to see in concert?!

THATS RIGHT PEOPLE.
LANEY AND FRIENDS ARE GOING TO SEE CHRIS BROWN AND RIHANNA LIVE!!!

mood = pissed off.

2008-09-03T02:16:00.000-07:00

first off; my phone is fucked up and i cant msg!!!
apologies to skye and zara, its just one night til i get a new one.
secondly, getting fucking sick and fucking tired of these bunch of stereotyping cunts. if i could id fucking stab all of you're skinny close minded fucked up asses...
getting fucking sick of seeing people have these "no fat chicks" "i fear fat people" blah blah.
getting pretty fucking tired of your petyness.
WHATS THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE IF THEIR A LITTLE OVERWEIGHT?!
honestly, come on fucking tell me!! you fucked up bitches, so their a little more cuddy then your anorexic asses but why stereotype every fat person? why fear them?!
THEY'RE THE FUCKING SAME AS YOU.
THEY'RE FUCKING HUMAN.
argh. so fucking pissed off with all these little stereotyping cunts who dislike/fear fat people.
i wish i could fucking stab you all and trust me, id take pleasure in it.

cant stress how sick and fucking angry i am with all these dumb cunts.
open your fucking minds.
stop being sucha shallow cunts and judging people just cause of the way they look.

FUCK YOU ALL.

GO FUCKING DIE .

mood = apathetic

2008-09-01T09:07:00.000-07:00

people are telling me to talk to you.
but why do i always have to be the one to talk to you?
why do i always have to be the one to take action?
why do i always have to be the one to reach down to find out the problem?
why!?
getting pretty tired of history fucking repeating its fuckingself.
screw history and its hatred towards me.

changes.

2008-08-31T10:03:00.000-07:00

guess you dont really know how much things have changed till someone points it out to ya.

and here i thought things were the same, guess i was wrong. very wrong.

i dont know how to do this.
how to make this work.

i try.

but i guess its not taking affect

sms.

msn.

calls.

maybe,

just maybe.

this wasnt meant to be, no matter how much we want it to be..

i know when i go back, things will be diff defo.

things i cant change eventhough i wish i could.

as jennifer love hewitt once sang.
how do i deal with you?
how do i deal with me?
when i dont even know myself
or what it is you want from me.

where do i go from here?

this is me being a shitty friend.

enjoy.

worthwhile

2008-08-27T21:18:00.000-07:00

getting pretty sick of trying to maintain a friendship
when the other person couldnt give a fucking rats ass.
if you dont wanna talk to me, than just fucking say so you dumb cunt.
no drama.
but i guess you're just another pathetic cunt like the rest of em.
fuck you.

dead poetic.

2008-08-25T08:54:00.000-07:00

It's a deep, red wound.
Enough to stare.
It's a beautiful rose and everyone's aware
You squeeze it tight enough to bleed.
But suicide is something we'd rather not mention here.
In our beautiful world of saving face.
So Vanity's got this new gun that she wants to try on you.

And as we stand here waiting for the sound.
Get me out of this hell before I'm sucked in.

But you're the beautiful one.

And everyone is painted on, singing scripted songs

And your seizure-like finger is dead on the trigger.

And then, it's all blown away.

With you or us all.

And they had you in their targets.

They're smiling with you in their targets.

So Vanity's got this new gun that she wants to try on you.

And as we stand here waiting for the sound..

So Vanity's got this new gun that she wants to try on you.

And no one says a word from there on out.

But I knew she was beautiful, you're the ones with the flaws.

Oh I knew she was beautiful she should of had this all.

You're killing your heroes, you're killing them one by one.

But I knew she was beautiful, something here's got to die.