high school loop

i find myself caught in a loop, perhaps a repeat of the one i succumbed to in high school with that said lets just make it clear i lead a pretty drama free life, unless i find the need to create unnecessary drama, but knowing life we never need to play that card because of all the wonderful curve-balls that life tends to pitch.

you will find that alot of my posts are submitted in the wee hours of the morning, hence the writing and ramblings of oneself. But Alas! no one in their right mind would bother to read this piece of shit so why do i bother? EXACTLY because no one reads it, therefore my ramblings are posted into the world without peoples opinions, although that option is open to the world to, we all could do with a shot of refreshing truth. as i was saying i find myself in that loop again,

im past that stage where i wanna be friends with everyone and maintain ALL friendships made and if that friendship were to end it would be the end of the world as we know it, contrary to many peoples beliefs, i myself am not that emotionally deranged anymore. Hard to chew? i too thought that but never the less im stuck in that loop where, theres just this group of people you know and you manage to share a reasonable friendship with them not so much acquaintances not too much to use the referrals BFFS, we are able to catch up with one another individually at work but the main question is, what is it about some of these clicks that they refuse to see the bigger picture and you know say invite me to hang once in awhile? call me selfish and self - centered but the last time i checked im not a axe murderer nor do i have this creepy person exterior they know im fun and cool to hang with, so why the hesitiation?

it honestly makes me question have i missed something within myself to have lost the rights to invitations to hang out seeing as i seem to make the effort to call them out often ending with rejection due to reasons of their own, i know it takes two to tango etc etc, and im not so much basing this upon my efforts but their own and perhaps another self deliberation is in order..

a little self assurance is in order now and then, but a shot of the a truth could be exactly whats needed here to grow just that little bit more, considering i havent had any life changing epiphanies lately or any dramas to sorta throw the cards on the table, so here i am stuck in this loop, of not only self deliberation but also the persona i give off to have been blown off from invitations of all sorts from these "clicks" bearing in mind that they maybe insecure with the prospect of new people entering they're click of this, but i say this. people need to break that shell of theirs and step into the real world.

i am so self centered what is wrong me?

teenage angst, teenage dream.

ive been watching these teenage drama shows, and i have come to a realization that no matter what year it is, the issues faced by all teenagers seem to be shared world wide, to grow up watching tv shows where the characters are exposed to the problems that we face in our own lives make it the relation to the characters all the easier, i understand that the show it self is fiction unless said otherwise, but the one thing that makes it real are the problems/issues that they're facing, the issues we see on TV are the cold hard truth,

i came to this epiphany recently after watching my collection of Dawson's Creek which was filmed in the mid 90's til the early millennium, and like a friend mentioned before, just as soon as Dawson's Creek wrapped up, The OC begun to air which is proving that regardless of the eras the issues faced in every show are all the same. Theres always boy problems, girl problems, family problems, a loss or a gain, a failure or an achievement. In these shows we watch we find the relation to the show to be a reality, i say this because for me i can say that some of the shows i watched have helped me understand some of the problems i went through easier, disregarding the fact that we're not as cool as these kids on TV nor we live in awesome mansions.

To the writers/producers of such shows, you have amazing skill to be able to hit so many people with the realization of such issues.. Atleast now I know, in whatever issue im in, surely someone else across the globe has/is going thru the same thing and im clearly not alone in the problematic side of life.