high school loop

i find myself caught in a loop, perhaps a repeat of the one i succumbed to in high school with that said lets just make it clear i lead a pretty drama free life, unless i find the need to create unnecessary drama, but knowing life we never need to play that card because of all the wonderful curve-balls that life tends to pitch.

you will find that alot of my posts are submitted in the wee hours of the morning, hence the writing and ramblings of oneself. But Alas! no one in their right mind would bother to read this piece of shit so why do i bother? EXACTLY because no one reads it, therefore my ramblings are posted into the world without peoples opinions, although that option is open to the world to, we all could do with a shot of refreshing truth. as i was saying i find myself in that loop again,

im past that stage where i wanna be friends with everyone and maintain ALL friendships made and if that friendship were to end it would be the end of the world as we know it, contrary to many peoples beliefs, i myself am not that emotionally deranged anymore. Hard to chew? i too thought that but never the less im stuck in that loop where, theres just this group of people you know and you manage to share a reasonable friendship with them not so much acquaintances not too much to use the referrals BFFS, we are able to catch up with one another individually at work but the main question is, what is it about some of these clicks that they refuse to see the bigger picture and you know say invite me to hang once in awhile? call me selfish and self - centered but the last time i checked im not a axe murderer nor do i have this creepy person exterior they know im fun and cool to hang with, so why the hesitiation?

it honestly makes me question have i missed something within myself to have lost the rights to invitations to hang out seeing as i seem to make the effort to call them out often ending with rejection due to reasons of their own, i know it takes two to tango etc etc, and im not so much basing this upon my efforts but their own and perhaps another self deliberation is in order..

a little self assurance is in order now and then, but a shot of the a truth could be exactly whats needed here to grow just that little bit more, considering i havent had any life changing epiphanies lately or any dramas to sorta throw the cards on the table, so here i am stuck in this loop, of not only self deliberation but also the persona i give off to have been blown off from invitations of all sorts from these "clicks" bearing in mind that they maybe insecure with the prospect of new people entering they're click of this, but i say this. people need to break that shell of theirs and step into the real world.

i am so self centered what is wrong me?